If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
