Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
