hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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