I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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