but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
