just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
