My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
