I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
