You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
