I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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