I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
