the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
