feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
