Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
