Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
