Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
