just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
