I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize