Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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