I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
