no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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