Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
