I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
