Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
