Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I believe in your delicious
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