I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
