they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
