So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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