I just made out with a guy for $7.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
