I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
