this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I intend to get homeless drunk
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
