The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She's JV to your varsity
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
whose parrot is this?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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