i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
