Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
