M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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