My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
