I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
