you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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