She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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