He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
