After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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