He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
