Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
