Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
