Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm too high and old for this...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize