Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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