Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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