Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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