She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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