Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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