I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
