You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My dick has a subreddit
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
