Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dignity is for republicans.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
