I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
