This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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