Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
