My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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