i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
