Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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