It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
