what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
