my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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