how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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